On Saturday, May 29th, our family sought to do two things during Mary’s memorial service.  One was to honor Mary for the incredible woman, wife, mom and friend she was, and the other was to glorify God.  I believe we accomplished both.  Our district superintendent, Dave Klinsing, led our service and after an opening slide show of Mary’s life over the years, Dave encouraged us by leading us through aspects of Psalm 23 with insights so appropriate for the day.  Our worship band led us in singing, Jesus Paid It All, which reminded us again of the grace, joy and hope we have in our Lord Jesus.  We were blessed and honored to have a number of friends attend the service who were willing to share tributes and remembrances of their years with Mary Ann.  The former president of the C&MA, Peter Nanfelt, for whom I had the joy of serving during the three years we were in the Springs, and his wife Jerry, touched my heart with their remembrances.  Three of Mary’s special friends, Liz Rao, who was an angel of blessings throughout Mary’s illness, Deb VanderHeiden, who, since 1975 developed a sister kinship with Mary, and Sarah Liu, our former pastor’s wife, where mutual love, encouragement and a similarly underdeveloped senses of direction, led them to spend significant time together, touched our memories and confirmed our recollections.  A very special lady from our church, Jane Smith, sang one of Mary’s favorite songs from Mercy Me, “I Can Only Imagine”, followed by a tribute from Mary’s brother, Bob, who brought insight and perspective to the core of our pain and loss. Exerpts from Mary’s Bible and Journals were presented by Bryan and Beth, and then a letter written by me to Mary Ann, was read by a dear friend who had lost an 18 year old son to cancer 10 years ago.  He knows my pain and throughout this past year I spent many hours with him talking and crying.  The service ended with the singing of Blessed Be the Name (Mark Redman) and How Great is Our God/How Great Thou Art.  How blessed we were to have the worship band and choir lead us.

After Dave Klinsing’s final words and benediction I had the joy of greeting additional friends how were not able to make the visitation time the night before.  To all of you I want to say thanks for standing with us during this time of loss.  We have been blessed and honored by your kindnesses and generosity, your words of encouragement, and your practical displays of love.  I am deeply humbled.

Sunday morning, I drove with my sister, Nancy, to Minnesota to spend a week with her and my cousins.  I want to get my emotional equilibrium back as much as possible over these next two weeks.  I will leave Sunday for Iowa to visit friends and than to Michigan to see additional friends.  I will finish my time off with two nights at the house, visiting with my son, Bryan and his family, and then taking off for Sarah’s in NC for a long weekend. I will be back in the church office, June 15th, ready to engage a full load of minsitry once again. 

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  I trust that all who have been following the blog have the assurance that when death comes to them they too will transition from this physical death to the fullest of life in the indescribable joys and beauty of God’s presence.  I John 5:11,12

She received loving care from her family and dear friend, Debbie, right through the end.  She spent her last night surrounded by her family and rested so peacefully.  Her entrance will leave a huge hole in our family and in our hearts.  She will be greatly missed.   

Plans for family visitation and for her memorial service will follow soon.

Thanks again for all your love, prayers and support  We love you all.

Mary’s physical challenges have reached a point where it was wise to get a hospital bed for her.  It arrived Saturday and has been a blessing.  This gives us so many more options for her comfort.  Our friend Liz continues to amaze me as she always seems to know just what we need to do next to be sure Mary doesn’t have to deal with unnecessary pain or discomfort.  What a blessing to have her and Sarah here with us.

Sarah drove back home this morning and will be flying back on Friday.  She is determined to be here on weekends for a while.  No amount of my coaxing to take a weekend off gets through to her.  She justs wants to be here, and I certainly understand that.

Thank you for your prayers.  God is giving wisdom in helping Mary’s caregivers make good decisions.  We are so blessed.

We had a wonderful time together on Mother’s Day.  Bryan, Beth and the boys came over after church for a special dinner together.  It had been quite a while since Mary had seen the grandboys.  They are special.  Along with a great meal Sunday, (cooked by Sarah), we had a scruptious dessert provided by Beth’s mom, Donna. 

To increase the goodness of those days together, our friends Deb and Dale in Michigan, called Dorothy Lane Market and put an amazing box of goodies together for us, things for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, midnight snacks and post snack snacks.  If any of you are familiar with DLM’s Killer Brownies, how does 12 of them sound.  That’s right, 12!!  We have been a bit overindulgent.  The running shoes await.

Mary continues to surprise us at times.  Though her leg strength fluctuates she has not been able to get up the stairs to our bedroom for well over a week now.  But Saturday night she wanted to give it another try.  In her own special way, and with a little help from Sarah, Matt and I she made it.  We had the joy of sleeping on our own bed once again.  She tried the next couple of nights but alas, not enough leg strength to pull it off.  (The wheelchair experiment to get Mary upstairs didn’t work.  Sounded like a great idea, but we have too many stairs.)

Our reality right now is this.  Mary continues to fluctuate between good leg strength and very week leg strength.  She also needs someone helping her with her balance, as she is unsteady on her feet right now.  I thank the Lord that she is still able to stand up and get from the bed to the bathroom or to the living room, though most of the time she needs help getting to a standing position.  Her mental functions continue to be more challenging.  Thoughts are very hard to put into words, which is very frustrating for her, and she fluctuates between understanding what is being spoken to her, to not understanding.  Some confusion surfaces from time to time and her short term memory is very undependable.

So we take each day at a time, continuing to make the best of each day’s reality.  Bryan and Beth are close by, and they are available any time night or day if I need help.    Our nurse friend, Liz, talks with me most everyday, to help me with the unexpected or new things that surface.  So we are well cared for.  I have had so many offers from church friends who live close by as well, so I know I can get ahold of someone at any time as needed.

Your love and prayers are cherished.  Thanks so much for caring.

Mary has experienced some significant decline in her physical strength so this week for the first time she has not been able to get upstairs to bathe and sleep.  We have a day bed downstairs that she has been comfortable in, but I know she longs to be able to get back into her own bed soon.  There is a strong likelihood that with Matt and Sarah here for the next 5 days, Matt and I could get Mary upstairs in the wheel chair.  Our friend, Liz, used this procedure with her Mom.  Mary has been willing to use the wheelchair in the house from time to time, so she is getting more comfortable with it. 

So we will see how these next days go.  We are so blessed to have this time with Matt and Sarah.  We are going to thoroughly enjoy it.  We will also see Bryan, Beth, Owen and Griffin quite a bit as well.  So we will cherish this time.   Again, thanks for all your love and prayers.

Some days are better than others for Mary Ann.  On her good days she has a little more strength and stamina.  She can get out of a chair on her own, back and forth to the bathroom, up and down the stairs to the bedroom (though in her own unique way).  On her tougher days she needs quite a bit of assistance.  We have a walker but she is adamant against using it for some reason.   And even when we are out, she glares at me if I mention the wheel chair.  She was willing to use it when we were in Florida, because she knew she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew.  Here, she won’t even consider it.  She wants so much to be able to look and act strong.  She gives it all she has when we are out in public, but welcomes the couch for a good nap and relaxation time when we get home.

So this is where we will stay.  Our former pastor and his wife, Kenneth and Sarah Liu will be in town to preach for me the next couple of weeks.  They will stop by to say “hi” Saturday.  We haven’t seen them for over a year.  Also Matt and Sarah will arrive Wednesday, May 5th to spend a few days over Mother’s Day weekend.  What a treat that will be.  Bryan stopped by last night for a visit.  That provided a lift to Mary’s spirits as well.  So all is all we seek to fill each day with all the joy possible, making the best of our reality and resting in the Lord.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers.  I still plead with God each night to heal Mary Ann.  I make my case for how it would bring Him such amazing glory.  Perhaps an eleventh hour miracle is still in store, who knows.  But in whatever God decides to do we know He is good.  He is our Father.

We took drives each day exploring the area.  Gorgeous.  Perdido Beach lies between Pensacola and Gulf Shores.  There are miles of waterways and bays making it a mariners paradise.  We visited the Gulf Coast Zoo one afternoon.  It was small, a non-profit operation, but alot of fun.  The zoo featured Charlie, a 25 year old American alligator.  He was 1400 pounds and 14 feet long.  During the hurricane of 2004 he turned up missing, causing considerable panic in the area.  It made national news.  He was eventually located and returned to the zoo.  Biggest alligator I have ever seen.

So now a few days of rest and we will see if Mary is ready for leg two of our planned trips.  We plan on leaving Friday.  The communication challenges are getting a bit more noticable.  It both concerns her and frustrates her that she can’t get her thoughts communicated as well as she did.  Her physical strength is holding about the same though she is less steady on her feet.  We have a wheelchair for those times when the walking distance is more than she can handle.  She keeps fighting to maintain the highest level of daily existence possible, but can easily get discouraged when she realizes how little she can do. 

Thanks for your prayers.  We keep praying for God’s wisdom for all the decisions ahead.  We are so grateful to our friends who have come along side to help, encourage, and support us in such generous and sacrificial ways.  While we were gone the teens from church came over during the Love Your City weekend and manicured our lawn, cutting grass, mulching, etc.  It looks fabulous.  Also some ladies came over and did a thorough cleaning inside the home as well.  What servants, one and all.  Thanks so very much.  We are blessed.    I ask that you continue to pray for Mary Ann and me.  The days are more challenging and I need a lot of wisdom in daily decisions.

With that behind us we are ready to take a month off and just spend time together doing stuff Mary wants to do.  As soon as church is over Sunday, we are on our way.  Our plans involve quite a bit of travel so pray for Mary’s stamina.  We will keep our daily drives as short as they need to be.  First stop is Perdido Beach, FL.  Friends in our church have made their condo available to us.  The pictures we have seen make us eager to get there.   What a beautiful place and area.    From there we return home for a couple days to rest and catch up, then the plan is to head up to the Chicago area for a visit with Mary’s mom and our friends the VanderHeidens.  We will return home for the weekend of May 2nd before heading to Matt and Sarah’s in NC May 4-11th.  Though Mary is not as physically strong and mentally  sharp as she would like to be, we are trusting she will be able to maintain her current levels throughout these next weeks.  Please pray to that end.

We had a wonderful Easter, good services on Sunday morning, lunch with family afterwards, and beautiful weather to enjoy.  We are looking forward to memorable times in the days ahead.  Thanks for all your love and prayers.

We have a wonderful week of Easter ahead of us.  It is certainly a great reminder of the love and power of God when Jesus proclaimed, “I am the Resurrection and the Life”, and then proved it by raising Lazarus from the dead.  May the joy of Easter fill your hearts with praise as we reflect on all the benefits we have received from the wonderful and incomprehensible grace of God.